Cheng-Wei Hu
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Emotional Freedom

A more direct path to happiness than financial freedom

November 01, 2024

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emotional freedom cover

One day, you decide that your life's goal is to be depressed.

Would you first focus on earning a lot of money to afford the best resources for sadness? Or would you study and practice how to be depressed? If you want to be depressed successfully, learning and practicing depression directly would likely be more effective than accumulating wealth first.

What if your life's goal is to be happy instead of depressed? Interestingly, we often take the indirect route, prioritizing financial rewards over emotional well-being towards happiness.

The underinvested path to happiness

Regardless of whether you want to cry in a Ferrari, a bus, or a Toyota, the tears taste the same. But think about how much time we spend on learning skills to earn more money, and how little time we spend on learning skills to be happier.1

We are underinvesting in happiness skills.

Making a living matters, but if happiness is our goal, developing emotional freedom offers a more direct path than pursuing financial freedom.2

And this freedom of emotion is not the traditional freedom that you are free to do whatever you want.

Two types of freedom

There are two types of freedom: external freedom and internal freedom.3

External freedom focuses on external factors. It represents the freedom to act without other's interference. It's the "freedom to" do anything you want.

On the other hand, internal freedom focuses on the internal factors. It represents the freedom to act without our own destructive impulses. It's the "freedom from" being controlled by our inner drives.

For example, a smoker driving to the store to buy cigarettes has external freedom. No laws or physical barriers prevent their purchase. However, the driver may be considered lacking internal freedom if their addiction to cigarettes drives them to the store against their better judgment. They may wish to quit, but their craving forces them to act against their long-term interests.

The freedom we should pursue is internal. Emotional freedom is free from, not free to. We should be "free from" being controlled by our emotional turmoil, not "free to" indulge in every feeling.

Emotional freedom protects us from speaking harsh words to loved ones when being hijacked by anger, from making irrational decisions we'll regret when frustrated, from drowning in self-rejection when disappointed.

The goal isn't to eliminate these feelings but to prevent them from controlling our actions. Bad moods remain part of life, as they should. But we should practice and build the strength to protect us from being consumed by our emotions.

The practice of emotional freedom

It's not easy to control your emotions though. When I first started practicing it, I kept struggling with my emotions. I consciously tried to control my emotions, but they still often led me to irrational behavior. Sometimes I was stressing about things beyond my control, and sometimes I was upset about trivial things unnecessarily.

I was fortunate to have the chance to study with Venerable Guo Jing when I was in Taipei four years ago. Every week for 5 months, she answered my questions about practicing emotion.

Ven. Guo Jing made me realize one thing: It's okay to be carried away by emotions as long as you're aware of it.

Think of your mind as a train station platform. Different trains of emotions, anxiety, anger, depression, and paranoia, constantly pull through and head to various destinations. The ideal response is to stay on the platform when you spot an unwanted emotional train. You remain composed, choosing not to board trains that would carry you toward regret.

However, I learned that it's fine when you can't help but board those trains. We are human, and we do get triggered and irritated. But the key is practicing awareness. First, we need to notice when we get on the train we don't want. Then, practice jumping off the train before it leaves the station. With time, we will get back control faster, and the time we spend on the train will be shorter and shorter until we can mindfully choose not to get on the wrong train.

The process is like meditation for beginners. Thoughts will always slip into your mind when you are trying not to think about anything. But don't be harsh on yourself when it happens. You can always get a little bit better through practice.

I still struggle with emotion from time to time. For example, when my partner did something I found unreasonable, my first impulse could be to react with frustration.4 However, because of practice, now I can often catch myself before saying words I'll regret. Sometimes it could take more time to jump off that unwanted emotion train, then I know I need to take a walk or spend some time alone first so we don't fight unnecessarily.

So, although I still feel those surges of regrettable emotion, at least I've improved from the untrained mind that gets on every single train that pulls through the station towards regret.

Prioritize emotional freedom

Today, we can remind ourselves that our life's goal is happiness.

Don't take the detour to focus solely on earning money and treat emotional well-being as an afterthought. Practice managing your emotions like you would practice any other important skill.

It's perfectly fine if you are not able to control your temper perfectly now. Accept that you won't reach emotional freedom overnight, but commit to the practice. Each time you pause before reacting in anger, each moment you choose awareness over impulse, you are getting closer to your goal.

And pursuing happiness isn't about giving up financial security. It's about getting our priorities right. If happiness is truly our goal, our priorities should align with this goal.5

Prioritize emotional freedom over financial freedom.

Appendix: How to practice

I've been exploring ways to practice emotional freedom. Here are some resources I found helpful.

Stoicism

Stoicism is perhaps the philosophy you can learn the most about emotional freedom.

  • The Daily Stoic is a good website to get started with stoic exercises.
  • Meditations by Marcus Aurelius is the personal reflections of a Roman Emperor. It's the most classic Stoic book.
  • Letters from a Stoic by Seneca is another Stoic classic.
  • Tao of Seneca by Tim Ferriss is another helpful free online resource.

Buddhism

The philosophical part of Buddhism is almost the Eastern equivalent of Stoicism.6

Psychology and Psychotherapy

Learning modern psychology and psychotherapy can also be helpful, especially if you want to know the science behind happiness.

  1. ^

    My assumption behind this statement is that happiness is a learnable skill, but I understand some people might believe happiness is determined by things they cannot change.

  2. ^

    We can think of managing money like the Doughnut Economic Model: we set a minimum to meet our basic needs and an upper limit where additional wealth brings diminishing returns to our happiness. Within this range, we can focus our remaining energy on emotional freedom.

  3. ^

    My definitions of external freedom and internal freedom are inspired by the concepts of positive and negative liberty from the British philosopher Isaiah Berlin, though his two forms of freedom are more often discussed in the context of political philosophy.

  4. ^

    But of course, she is always right :)

  5. ^

    Remember, don't trust what we say about our priorities; see where and how we spend our time.

  6. ^

    Although Taoism is also quite similar, I prefer what Nassim Taleb said: "A Stoic is a Buddhist with attitude."

Thanks to Rick Lewis, Chris Wong, Kuriakin Zeng and Angelica Kosasih for reading the draft of this and giving feedback.

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